Chartrand…

Job hunting? Take this test

David Chartrand

The problem with higher education in America is that most college students choose the wrong major and the wrong career.

Unfortunately, no one realizes this until it’s too late. It is not uncommon, for example, for a college student to spend four years and $50,000 of his parents’ money attending a top-ranked engineering school only to decide that what he really wants is to own his own fireworks stand.

The marketplace is loaded with golden but overlooked opportunities for those struggling to match their hidden talents with hidden jobs. The best way to identify these career gems is the Instant Qualifications for Unusual Industries Test (I-QUIT). The purpose of the exam is to match unique businesses with the unique personalities of candidates whose job applications often trigger the type of uncontrolled corporate hilarity that soils rejection letters with clearly identifiable samples of mouth spittle.

Following are examples of I-QUIT test questions. Trust me, you can’t lose with this test. Unless you want to call four years of college a loss.

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Chartrand…

The Heartland is Where the Heart Is

David Chartrand

While flying from one coast to the other I have been known to jab the person next to me — the one nearest the window.

“Look down there!” I say. “That’s where I live. The Midwest.”

I usually do this somewhere between Kansas City and Denver, although the sky over almost anywhere will do.

The jabbed stranger always flattens his face against the glass and begins to squint downward. He always looks puzzled. And he always says the same thing.

“Where? I don’t see a damn thing. Everything looks the same.”

While he is squinting I steal his peanuts.